Lost Wings
by laurakzelliotthotmail.com
Summary: Elizabeth Gale Hopkins thought that her life couldn't get any worse after losing her mother to lung cancer. She was wrong. Instead life decided to crash all around her, and challenge her to make the most of it.


In memory of

Allen Dalton Summerfield – Aug 11, 1937 – December 27, 2014

Evelyn Gale Summerfield – July 15, 1942 – September 17, 2012

"I hate this disease. I hate it like nothing else I have ever hated. It has taken away my father, and replaced him with a stranger wearing my father's face. I loved my father with all my heart; he was my best friend and someone I could always go to when my life was hard. In his last years though, he was something else, something I'd rather not remember if I could. I hate this disease." – Elizabeth Gale Hopkins

 _Chapter 1 – Early Stages_

"The number of people living with dementia worldwide in 2013 is estimated at 44.35 million, reaching 75.62 million in 2030 and 135.46 million in 2050" (Alzheimer's Disease International, 2013)

Allen Summerfield, my father, was one of those 44.35 million, and I am ashamed to say that I wasn't there for the initial stages of his suffering.

My father was 74 when my husband, Derek, and I moved in with him after Mom died. She had been battling lung cancer for a little under a year before it became too much for her. Her old age coupled with a frail build made it all too quick, and she was gone in the blink of an eye. At the time though, it seemed to me that Dad was fine…well as fine as anyone could be in that situation. He was even able to take care of Mom during the early stages, before she got too bad. After that she had to be moved to a hospital where she was professionally cared for. It wasn't until Mom was moved that I started to notice things.

In the times that I would visit him he would (more often than not) be looking for something. Or he would be struggling over what he was going to do that day – groceries, visit Mom, make dinner – the little things. Honestly, I just figured that he was stressed and with everything going on with Mom, and who could blame him? I wish I had realized sooner though, and not been so caught up with myself instead. It soon became obvious that as Mom's health decreased, so did Dad's. He started to withdraw from his social life, and all he cared about was visiting Mom and making sure that she was comfortable. I often thought to myself, how reliever I was that he was always there for Mom. That meant I didn't have to change my life too much, since she was well looked after. This continued throughout the entire time that Mom was ill; his life was devoted to making sure that she wasn't alone.

It never struck me that my father was also fighting something within him whilst taking care of Mom. I chalked up his falters and withdrawal to the impending outcome of Mom's decreasing health. It turned out that I wasn't entirely wrong, but it was all the more severe than I could have ever imagined. The early stages of Alzheimer's are characterized as:

The degeneration in memory and one of the following cognitive abilities, the degradation must also be of a quality that is significant enough to inhibit daily functioning. These were outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition (DSM-IV)

Memory – Individuals lacked the ability to learn new information or could also forget previously learned information (sometimes both occurred)

Aphasia – The individual lacks the ability to speak coherently and or understand written or spoken word

Agnosia – The individual lacks the ability to recognize of identify objects (despite intact sensory functions)

Apraxia – The individual lacks the means to control their motor function (despite intact ability, sensory function, and possible comprehension of task)

Executive Functioning - Ability to think abstractly, make sound judgments and plan and carry out complex tasks

Due to my mother's sick constitution and my apparent neglect, my father's symptoms went unnoticed and undiagnosed as a result. Then tragedy struck the family on September 17, 2012 when Mom passed away from her battle with cancer. After that, Dad just seemed to lose his purpose, and himself.

 _Chapter 2 – Middle Stages_

I have always written in a diary, the things in my life that I found noteworthy. So as I became aware of my father's illness and one of his primary caretakers, I kept a record of his progression. This resulted in my husband and I having a place to write down things that we may forget throughout the progression of the disease. Things like symptoms, worries or questions we may have witnessed, along with our experience.

October 17, 2012 5:32PM

It has been an entire month that Mom has been gone. What I have found odd is that I knew it was coming, for over a year now. Thus I suppose I felt prepared. In truth though no one is ever prepared to lose anyone, and their absence is like a hole. I knew my mother for the 43 years that I have been alive, and I miss her like nothing else. I am going over to Dad's to pick him up for dinner tonight.

October 17, 2012 8:32PM

I just got back from dropping off my father after dinner. The food was delicious, but I noticed something odd about Dad that distracted me. I expected him to be extremely upset, but the behaviour he was exhibiting was out of character for him. Besides the fact that he wouldn't speak much, which is understandable given the circumstances. He also had a little trouble with his utensils at dinner, and quickly forgot things that I had just said. I had asked him when he wanted Derek and I to come over to help him around the house (as we had been discussing what needed to be done around his home now that he was living alone). When I asked if he heard me he said he couldn't remember talking about needing some help and dismissed my protests. Both of which were uncharacteristic.

November 2, 2012 4:15PM

Hallowe'en has just passed, and usually it is a great and entertaining celebration that I have always relished. In contrast, this year's Hallowe'en was deeply distressing and some things might have to change now concerning my father.

Our house was all decorated and Derek and I were getting ready to go a to a friend's Hallowe'en party down the street after diminishing our candy supplies. Just as we were about to leave, the phone started ringing. When I answered it my old neighbour Sybil was on the phone. She told me that she had seen my father wandering around the shopping plaza near their neighborhood by himself looking confused. I quickly told Derek and we drove over to my father's house where Sybil had brought him during his confusion. When we confronted him about it he was confused and denied being lost. He got agitated if we asked him questions, and continued his denial. Ultimately he withdrew from us and shut down. So Derek and I secured his house and went home.

November 7, 2012 9:37PM

Derek and I have been talking about what happened on Hallowe'en, and have decided that if anything else should come up concerning my father, we will take action. What sort of action I am not sure yet, but if there is something wrong we will find out.

November 9, 2012 8:34PM

Today I was talking to my friend Stella at work about the issues regarding my father, and she gave me a lot of food for thought. She optioned that maybe he was suffering from mental deterioration like Alzheimer's or Parkinson's Disease, and that I should keep a close eye on him for a while. With everything that happened with Mom I truly hope that this isn't true. Despite that though, Derek and I have agreed to drop in on him every other evening starting next week. Luckily I didn't move too far away from my childhood home.

November 13, 2012 6:21 AM

Today is the first day of the periodic checks that Derek and I will be making on my father. We decided that every other day was too predictable and if he was hiding any behaviour, he'd know what to expect. He's a proud man, and it pains me to doubt his coherency like this.

November 13, 2012 5:27 PM

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, and he seemed pleased to see us. Even sent us home with some lasagna he made. He was always a good cook.

November 19, 2012 8:32PM

Derek went over to my father's house today alone, since I had to work late. The news he brought back to me wasn't promising. Dad had lost the new remote for his television. When Derek asked him where he saw it last, Dad said he couldn't remember, couldn't retrace his steps either. That alone isn't what disturbed me though. When they found the remote under some newspapers, Derek showed Dad how to use the remote. And then he showed him again, and once more after that. Derek Dad to be acting as if he couldn't remember what he had just shown him. I'm beginning to really worry.

November 20, 2012 5:37PM

It took a lot of convincing, but Derek has agreed that we should move into Dad's home with him. With everything that has been happening, I think that this would be best. Dad is a proud man and would be extremely angry if we just put him into a home. On top of that I wouldn't want to do that, only as a last resort. So Derek and I will become the primary caregivers for my Dad, stating this weekend.

November 21, 2012 7:58PM

I spoke to Stella at work again, and she said that from what I described to her it is the onset of Alzheimer's Disease. She said that her grandmother suffered from it for 9 years. The fact that her grandmother was strong for so long gives me hope. For if this is the evil that we are fighting, my father will beat it. He's so strong both in heart and mind. Always has been. She told me she would get me some pamphlets and booklets so that I could read about Alzheimer's. Not looking forward to it.

November 24, 2012 8:27AM

Move in day. Dad seemed upset at first, but now he seems almost a little excited to have someone else in his home with him again. I am glad that we are doing this. I don't want Dad to be sick on his own, and I want to help him as much as I can.

November 26, 2012 11:38 AM

So I have read through all of the information that Stella was able to get for me, and then did some additional research of my own.

I have learnt that Dementia is a general word that outlines an individual who is suffering from symptoms that are caused by nerve cells in the brain dying or function abnormally. This degeneration in the brain leads to symptoms that are commonly seen as progressive memory loss, a decline in cognitive skills, and behavioural changes (Alzheimer's Association, 2012). I also believe that my father is suffering more specifically from Sporadic Alzheimer's Disease (Alzheimer's Association, 2012), as there has been no family history of this disease, and therefore it is likely due to a combination of family pedigree, environment and lifestyle (Alzheimer Society of Canada, 2014).

Now that I have done some research I am going to book an appointment for Dad to see the doctor. As I am no healthcare professional, and have no idea what I am doing

November 28, 2012 5:31PM

Dad's appointment has been booked for a week from now at 4:30, by our family doctor. I'll have to take the afternoon off work, but it will be worth it. I'm so pleased that I was able to get him in so quickly, especially given the time of year.

On another note, Dad has been having trouble getting dressed in the mornings, so I have been helping him. What pains me the most, is that he seems to be aware of his memory deterioration and is ashamed about it. He usually declines help multiples times and gets aggravated until he realizes that he can't do the task himself (Berry, Apesoa-Varano, & Gomez, 2015).

December 5, 2012 4:20PM

Waiting in the doctor's office. In this diary I have been keeping a list of Dad's symptoms and issues, so that I didn't forget anything when speaking with the doctor. Here it is:

He has been having trouble with articulating what he is thinking

Loses things around the house

Lost in lesser known areas

Gets a little frustrated when he confronts an issue/symptom

Sleeps a lot more

December 5, 2012 7:18PM

After our appointment with the doctor it has been confirmed that Dad has Alzheimer's Disease. It feels odd saying that, considering the implications surrounding it. I have chosen to delegate my husband and I as the primary caregivers for my father, as he doesn't fair well with strangers. Plus I feel like I want to be in the front lines dealing with this battle alongside him. The doctor said that Dad was in the Early to Middle stages of Alzheimer's (Alzheimer Society of Canada, 2013) and that my keeping a diary of the progression is a good move. He also gave me many more brochures/pamphlets and other reading material regarding being my father's caregiver. I am going to take some time off work to set up everything correctly and do some more research of my own.

December 7, 2012 12:37AM

On my lunch breaks I have been perusing the internet and came across a few interesting articles. While I understand that there is no cure for Alzheimer's, there are many options for the family and patient to choose from in regards to care and treatment. I would prefer to keep Dad away from heavy medicine for as long as possible though. So in regards to that I have found an herbal medicine that may help my father in maintaining his cognition.

Rihzoma Acori tatarinowii is a Chinese root that has neuroprotective effects, and therefore is able to combat neural degeneration (Mao et al, 2015). I think I may look into this and give it to Dad.

January 1, 2013 3:37 PM

I took some extra time over the holidays to inform myself about being a primary caregiver to someone with Alzheimer's Disease, and to spend more time with Dad. The tea appears to be having little to no effect on him, but he enjoys it nonetheless. I have taken some steps in making the house safer for him. I moved out the smaller rugs he could trip on, and taped down the corners of the remaining ones. Smaller appliances and chemicals have been put away out of general arms reach. I have organized the vitamins that he was and is still taking for his bones and general health. I have secured all the doors and put a lock on the back door (there was always a gate so no locked back door). My husband had some grab bars and non-slip mats put in the bathroom. Finally I have made sure that the house is always tidied up, with the hope that he doesn't lose things quite as easily (Alzheimer Society of Canada, 2015).

There isn't much to say in regards to progress or lack of progress. His symptoms haven't worsened and he seems to be quite pleased.

March 3, 2013 11:38AM

Everything is going fairly well. Thankfully Derek and Dad get along very well, since Derek works from home and is always the one looking after him. Now in the New Year Derek and I have been making meals for Dad, as we don't especially feel comfortable with him cooking in the kitchen. We usually make meals with lots of leftovers and keep a variety of healthy snacks around the house for Dad to help himself to, such as fruit, veggies, snack bars, crackers, etc. I have been taking some cooking classes, and have learned to make foods in bulk like soup and lasagnas that I can freeze as individual portions, so that he can just reheat or pop them in the microwave.

Overall though Dad has been consistent with his symptoms and shows no signs of further degeneration. Updates will probably be a lot more sporadic until something significant arises.

May 23, 2013 6:32PM

We just had another doctor's appointment that was a follow up from last year's initial one. The doctor informed me that Dad may be more in the middle stage of Alzheimer's (Alzheimer Society of Canada, 2013), which happens to be the longest stage, and thus progression of the disease becomes gradual. I have been doing some more research of my own again, in hopes of discerning a timeline that we can expect from Dad (aside from what the doctor told us). An article that I read it stated that individuals who are diagnosed while in their 60's early 70's have the longest expectancy at 7-10 years, whereas individuals diagnosed in their late 80's early 90s have an expectancy of 3 years or less. Of course I understand that everything is subjective, and there are many factors in determining the expectancy of an individual (Zanetti et al, 2009).

I hope with everything that I am, for Dad to be one of the few who are blessed with good fortune in regards to his disease progression. So far it has been stable and hasn't changed much since Derek and I have moved in. I think a leap that he had from Early Stages to the Middle Stage, was the loss of Mom. I'd like make some good memories this summer, and do some things as a family, with the kids and Dad. Hopefully something works out.

June 12, 2013 9:53AM

I have taken this week off of work, in order to fulfill my wish to do something as a family this summer. Derek and I have been talking about taking the kids and Dad on a cruise. Potentially a tropical cruise, but one that is not too long, and with not too many stops (because I don't want him travelling too much).

July 2, 2013 11:32AM

Derek and I have decided that a short 5 day cruise would be an easy and relaxing way to get away from the house and be with the family. Luckily my travel agency is amazing and I was able to get some tickets for next month. I'm so blessed.

July 31, 2013 5:23PM

Just got back from our vacation. It was amazing. Dad really seemed into it, though I think that he did it for the kids. We only stopped once, and we all spent that day near the shoreline not going too far, since Dad wouldn't be able to handle it. The weather was amazing though, and it gave us all a much deserved break from life.

August 21, 2013 5:00PM

Dad's daily functioning has been deteriorating slowly this year. Though now it's becoming more and more severe. At first he would just lose things, but now he is putting things in odd places. The other day I was in the kitchen with him after he got his cereal. I found the milk in the cupboard and he was eating with a fork. I have been trying this new tactic where I mention what he might be doing wrong very flippantly (so as not to offend). So I let the milk go, but then said "Dad, maybe a spoon will work better for you". He looked at me and then the fork he was holding. I then handed him a spoon and he continued as if nothing ever happened (Berry, Apesoa-Varano, & Gomez, 2015).

September 17, 2013 6:32AM

Today it has been an entire year since Mom left us. It's hard to believe that it has been a year already. With all that has been happening it feels as if it was yesterday. I'm sure that Dad has been up for a while, but I haven't heard him in the house. As with a lot of elderly people, my father has a lot of issues with sleeping at night (Bedrosian & Nelson, 2013). I don't exactly know what to do about it, but my husband says that when his uncle had sleeping issues he took doses of a natural substance called "Melatonin" to help him sleep (Lewy, Emens, Jackman, & Yuhas, 2006). So I think I may purchase some of that for Dad.

September 17, 2013 5:47PM

So Dad finally came out of his room around noon today. I took the day off of work in hopes that Dad might want someone to talk to or someone to just be near. In contrast to this hope, he only came out of his room for food around lunch. I understand that he maybe wants to be alone, but it worries me either way. I hope that he is at least dealing with his grief in a way that suits him well.

November 3, 2013 6:32PM

I've noticed something that has been bothering me about Dad's progression. As the seasons have been changing Derek says that he has noticed that Dad becomes extremely confused and restless as the days become shorter. So once he told me this I immediately booked an appointment for as soon as I could. I wasn't as lucky as I have been in the past with getting a quick appointment, but today I have gotten back from the appointment with some upsetting news.

It's what I feared. His disease has progressed again. Dad is starting to suffer from a phenomenon called "Sundowning", in which a person who is affected becomes increasingly confused and agitated as the sun begins to set. The affected individuals may become increasingly agitated, very restless, vocal, aggressive or even delirious. This is an interruption of a person's circadian rhythm, which poses a threat to Dad's Alzheimer's progression. What worries me the most is that Sundowning is seen most in people with severe Alzheimer's, not commonly in someone who is as cognitively intact as Dad is (Bedrosian & Nelson, 2013).

This onset of Sundowning might suggest that Dad has been hiding his symptoms from Derek and I, and that he is worse off than we thought. It is extremely taxing on Derek and I to deal with Dad's symptoms as they present themselves. Almost like clockwork, around 4-5PM Dad begins to become increasingly agitated and then starts to ask me where Evelyn is. Evelyn is my mother who passed over a year ago. He continues to ask for her for uneven amounts of time, and then he seems to come back to himself. I don't know what to do. Last night Derek tried to get him to sit down to relax and Dad yelled at him. I've never seen him do that before. The doctor recommends him to be put in a nursing facility. We will see.

November 4, 2013 11:01PM

Due to this rapid progression of his Alzheimer's, the natural remedies are no longer enough for Dad. Thus the doctor has prescribed a medicine for him. Donepezil. This is apparently what they call a Cholinesterase Inhibitor, that is prescribed to treat memory impairment, issues with thinking, language and even judgement (Kerwin & Claus, 2011). This will apparently help preserve Dad's functioning and give him more freedom should the drug do its job. It should also have an effect on limiting his Sundowning issues. On top of all that we have to ensure that Dad gets a good night's sleep as often as possible.

November 29, 2013 6:30PM

I came home from work today to one of Dad's episodes. I don't know if Derek and I are going to be able to do this anymore. Being the primary caretaker is just taking such a toll on both of us. Our relationship, our work, our health are all being affected. I myself have been having trouble sleeping, eating, and getting up in the morning. I'm worried that Derek and I won't be able to handle it when Dad needs us most. We have been talking about possibly putting him in a facility come the New Year. I don't want to, but they know how to take care of him best.

December 7, 2013 10:28AM

On weekends we have been taking Dad to support groups for an hour on Saturday, where the people that run it make them all feel comfortable and respected. I think that Dad does get something out of this group, even if it is just a small bit of conversation, since Dad doesn't go out of his way to speak much anymore. The coordinator mentioned that Derek and I should go to a support group for caregivers. I will be going to one tomorrow morning.

December 8, 2013 9:34PM

I am SO enormously glad I went to this support group today. I learned so much about what Derek and I are going through that we didn't even realize. Apparently most primary caretakers of someone with Alzheimer's Disease often feel primarily depressed, underappreciated and lonely in their tasks (Hauber et al, 2014). While I don't feel especially lonely in the obvious sense but due to taking care of Dad, Derek and I have no life anymore outside of him and work. We are both so tired at the end of the day that we don't do anything and just go to bed. Derek who works at home has mentioned that he needs to leave the house and get away from everything sometimes. As there are two of us we don't especially feel underappreciated, but getting no thanks from Dad (sometimes the opposite even) does make it hard sometimes. As far as depression, I know for a fact that we are both rather depressed. We have both lost weight, sleep less, have issues waking up, never spend time out and I find myself crying over the smallest things sometimes.

This group has given me some insight into what we need to do regarding Dad. One woman told me that I couldn't keep this up and neither could Derek. I'll look into some facilities for the New Year.

January 14, 2014 4:28PM

At the recommendation of the support group that Derek and I have been frequenting, we have been discussing the options that we have in regards to taking care of Dad. This winter is proving to be extremely troublesome, and I took a lot of time off to help Derek, and give him a break. It was only this week that I got back to work on a regular basis. Derek would like to put Dad in a facility, and as much as I don't want to see that happen…I have to agree. So after a few arguments we have decided to go through with the home.

The people in the support group gave us a checklist of things to help us decide on the best facility for Dad (Alzheimer Society of Canada, 2011):

Location: How close it the facility to our home location, and does its location make for easy visiting?

Appearance: Are the kitchen, day rooms and bedrooms clean and tidy, and free from unpleasant odours?

Menus: Is food nutritious, tasty, varied, accommodating, available, and flexible?

Bathrooms: Are they private, clean, easily found, and safe (grab bars and other safety devices)?

How well trained and versed are the staff in dealing with persons with Alzheimer's Disease and those specifically with Sundowning?

Activities: Are there meaningful activities for groups and individuals, and there therapeutic activities, such as music, pets, horticulture? Flexibility in the routine?

Visiting: When can I visit, privacy and can you take the resident for outings?

Provincial inspections results?

Medical Care: Can you continue to use your own doctor or is there a resident doctor? Doctor on call and how long? How are medical emergencies handled?

Care philosophy: Individual focused? Accommodate flexibility in routines? Regular care planning meetings that include family members?

Individualized care: Religious needs met?

January 20, 2014 7:32PM

Based on the criteria that Derek and I received from the support group, we have decided on a potential home and have discussed it with Dad. We made sure to talk to him about it when he wasn't having an episode, and he seemed to just not care. As if it didn't make a difference to him. I feel terrible having to do this, but I truly do feel that Derek and I are becoming incapable of caring for him properly. I'll contact the facility tomorrow.

February 2, 2014 10:37PM

These past few weeks have been hectic. Dad, Derek and I have visited two facilities and met with their staff and doctors respectively. Both are rather close, with one being in the same neighborhood as us. Dad seemed to shut down and wasn't at all interested. In the first home he had wandered off on us and we were looking for him for about half an hour. We decided that we didn't want him in that home and have chosen RiverView Terrace. It is the one in our neighborhood. Has great people staffed from what we could gleam. It boasts an excellent doctor that is acquainted with our own personal doctor. The only thing is that they don't have an exceptionally large or flexible eating regime, which could be good for Dad in the long run. Though he has always just ate whatever we made him or bought. The amazing thing is that there is a vacancy and he can move in within the month

February 15, 2014 9:18AM

Today is the day that we are moving Dad into the new long-term care facility RiverView Terrace. We have all his personal belongings that we are taking with him, we packed those earlier. We bought him a few new items like slippers and whatnot, to have there. I hope this was the right decision for him and that this doesn't have an adverse effect on him.

February 15, 2014 6:23PM

So Dad is all moved in and Derek and I just got back home with some take out. We had all visited RiverView Terrace a few times and Dad had met everyone he would be dealing with during each visit. I thought that would limit his level of unease in regards to being thrust into an unfamiliar situation. With all that was going on, his Sundowning was a little different than usual. In that he wasn't as severe as he usually is, probably due to being a lot more tired than usual. I hope than when he wakes up tomorrow he will be comfortable. Derek and I are exhausted and feeling more than a little guilty, so we're going to bed early tonight.

February 16, 2014 9:15PM

I don't get off of work until after 4 usually, so the best visiting hours for Derek and I are from 6 – 7:30PM. We visited Dad after we had something quick to eat. I was surprised by how comfortable he seemed. It makes me wonder if being in a professional facility is something that we needed to have done from the start. Derek and I have decided to visit Dad at least 2 times a week, minimum. I don't want him to feel as if Derek and I just dropped him off there and forgot about him. Because it's exactly the opposite.

 _Chapter 3 – Late Stages_

February 25, 2014 10:37PM

I can't sleep tonight. I had a meeting with our personal doctor tonight. He had just made a visit to Dad for a checkup and he had news I don't know how to handle. Our worries were proven in that Dad had been hiding his Alzheimer's symptoms from Derek and myself. I figured he just wanted time to himself, and that spending the majority of his time with himself is a habit that elderly people develop with being alone. In truth though, the doctor says that Dad has been suffering from responding to his environment and withdrawn himself even more. His speech is still stable, but he is having difficulty thinking of what to articulate. Most alarming is the fact that Dad is losing his sense of time. Things like dates, the time of day, and even the season to some extent. He says it will only get worse from here. He is putting Dad on a new type of medication for the severity of his symptoms. Memantine. It is taken simultaneously with the Cholinesterase inhibitor – Donepezil – that Dad is taking. It is supposed to decrease irregular brain activity that may occur in Alzheimer's patients. It can improve cognitive functions such as thinking and memory recollection, or may just inhibit the progression of these symptoms. Some of the adverse symptoms include confusion, dizziness, headache, insomnia, agitation, and/or hallucinations (Kerwin & Claus, 2011). The painful fact of the matter is that there is no cure for Alzheimer's Disease.

February – November, 2014

Derek and I visit Dad every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday. Sometimes we will skip a day and go another. Overall the progression of Dad's Alzheimer's has been abnormally fast according to RiverView's in house doctor. He has begun to have more severe issues with communicating with people. Speaking normally at times but at a slower rate, and then sometimes he only forms simple sentences. He often forgets the names of the daily nurses, probably due to his memory already deteriorating before he even had to know who they were. He has difficulty knowing what the date is, and therefore doesn't dress himself accordingly for the weather. That was when he could dress himself though. On top of having arthritis, Dad has been having trouble with getting dressed himself, bathing himself, and even eating some more time consuming foods. Now he requires more around the clock care than Derek and I would have ever been able to give (Alzheimer's Association, 2012). His Sundowning episodes are less severe as he grows weaker, and now he just frantically calls for Evelyn (Mom). It's so hard to watch the person you knew, and was such an important figure in your life become unable to feed themselves. My Dad used to have such a caring and large personality, and always took care of me. It's odd seeing the roles reversed and know that he won't ever go back to the way he was before.

November 29, 2014

These last few visits Derek and I have been concerned about Dad's health. He seems to be having trouble breathing and a bit of a cough. I hope it's nothing more than a cold.

December 9, 2014 6:44AM

Derek and I got a phone call from RiverView saying that Dad was sick, and if we could come to the facility soon. We are leaving in 15 minutes, I just need to get today off work first. My heart is racing.

December 9, 2014 7:23PM

Dad has pneumonia (Sloane, Zimmerman, Williams & Hanson, 2008). They think he might have caught the bacteria from another outside visitor, but of course they can't pinpoint how he got the virus. In the end it doesn't matter how he got it, I just want him to be treated so that he can get better.

December 10, 2014 7:37AM

Derek and I have been up all night. We were both just too high strung to sleep last night. I'm sure we'll regret it though. Going back to RiverView later tomorrow.

December 11, 2014 3:27PM

No change, but he isn't showing any signs of reacting to the antibiotics.

December 12, 2014 4:32PM

Dad has been admitted into the hospital. I feel so helpless. People his age are so heavily affected with pneumonia that it can be fatal. On top of that he has to be moved again (Callahan et al, 2015). This is Dad's third move since the beginning of his deterioration. I can't imagine the stress that he is feeling in the hospital. He hates being in unfamiliar situations and he hates hospitals. I hope that they keep him far away from Mom's room.

December 13, 2014 6:07PM

I brought Dad some of his things to the hospital so that he feels more comfortable there. He didn't even seem to register me that well. He has been very quiet and almost seems as if he doesn't recognize me through his fever. I'll come tomorrow, and every day after

December 15, 2014 5:30PM

He was awake today, but he didn't seem to recognize Derek. He knew who I was and asked for Evelyn again. It's disturbing to that he thinks that Mom is still alive.

December 18, 2014 6:30PM

We visit at 5:30 each day for an hour. Dad was sleeping today.

December 20, 2014 6:30PM

5:30 works because I can't take any more time off of work the moment, unless something urgent comes up. He's sleeping again, and only wakes up briefly. He isn't eating.

December 23, 2014 6:30PM

Today the doctor in charge of Dad at the hospital took Derek and I aside. He told us that it is unlikely that Dad will get better. Due to his weak immune system that come with age, along with his Alzheimer's. He's just not strong enough. I don't know if I'm strong enough to lose them both.

December 25, 2014 4:32 PM

Derek and I have been here all day, with the kids and grandkids coming and going. We called some of the family last night after our talk with the doctor. They're saying their goodbyes. Quietly of course since Dad is sleeping so much. He still has hardly eaten anything. Derek and I will be staying with him for the next few days, as I have the holidays off of work.

December 27, 2014 3:27AM

Dad passed away at 3:16AM.

I miss him so much.

I am glad he's with Mom now.

 _Conclusion_

So much has changed these past few years, but life doesn't change in years or any quantifiable amount of time, it changes in an instant. That is why you have to treasure the moments, and strive to make the best out of your life.

I was so angry, sad, and lost during the entire journey with my father battling Alzheimer's Disease, and how I felt years after also. Nonetheless, as I now re-read the entries I catalogued a year later; I find myself with a newer, fresher and healthier perspective. There is no reason to be mad and keep it with you forever. Being angry does not fix things or bring back people. Instead it puts pressure on one's self that does not need to be there. It forces someone to fixate on the negative in their life, when there is a world of positives always waiting to be acknowledged. Instead learn from the experiences in life, and adjust for the future.

Early diagnosis is the key to better longevity of the individual affected with Alzheimer's. My hope is that my story shows what to do and what not to do. Although it is essential to keep in mind that every case of Alzheimer's and person affected is different. Still, I hope that through reading this one can understand the warning signs and various other components associated with this disease. And know that you aren't alone.


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